Second "The Howard Stern Show" Interview of Jan-Michael Vincent, broadcasted via syndicated radio, by hosts Howard Stern and Robin Quivers (June 6, 1997)
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[Editor's note: Jan-Michael is in Stern's New York studio with friend David Kreiff and Big Wednesday co-star William Katt. I have divided the interview into a series of conversations.]

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The Entrance

HS: "Wow, look at you. Jan-Michael looking all healthy and stuff."

RQ: "That's really Jan-Michael Vincent? Who was that guy that was here before?"

HS: "Jan-Michael, I thought I lost you. I swear to God I thought I lost you. I said, I lost one of the best guests I ever had."

JMV: [barely audible in a whisper-like voice] "I've lost my voice."

HS: "You're kidding me. That doesn'tmake for good radio Jan-Michael."

JMV: "No."

HS: "You sort of sound like the Godfather actually."

The Girlfriend

JMV: "I live in Orange County now."

HS: "You got a girlfriend?"

JMV: "Yeah."

RQ: "There's always a girl in waiting."

HS: "Lucky bastard!"

JMV: "I live with this girl called Karen. I've known her since she was a baby."

HS: "Can everyone hear Jan-Michael? I think you gotta get even closer to that microphone. I think we have to jam it down your throat."

JMV: "They've jammed everything else down my throat."

RQ: "But how old is this girl you're with now?"

HS: "I bet she's a real young girl."

JMV: "No. She's a couple of years younger than I am."

The Bionic Man

RQ: "Can you see?"

JMV: "Out of one eye."

HS: "Really?"

DK: "That's all he needs!"

JMV: "This one had a detached retina."

RQ: "I don't doubt it!"

JMV: "They are going to do radial caritology."

HS: "You know what, no matter how many time you put your head through a windshield, they can fix you. Trust me."

RQ: "He's like the bionic man at this point."

The Accident

HS: "So Jan-Michael, the next thing we read is that you broke your neck. I figured you were on your way out. I mean, didn't you think you were going to die?"

JMV: "No."

HS: "How did you beak your neck?"

JMV: "Well, I had been at the beach with this girl."

HS: "There's always a girl."

JMV: "She had her car and her mother's car."

HS: "It's always a car and a girl. Do you notice a pattern?"

JMV: "She wanted me to follow her back with the other car."

HS: "Oh, so you were thinking of maybe having some sex with her?"

JMV: [Laughs] "I'm just snake-bit, gut-shot, broke-leg and dragging nine sucking puppies uphill."

RQ: "Whatever!"

JMV: "So I was following her."

HS: "And then what happened?"

JMV: "We left the beach and we were somewhere. She stopped at a yellow light and I was getting ready to go through it."

RQ: "But you were following her!"

HS: "Well, everyone goes through a yellow light, right? Doesn't a yellow light mean speed up and hurry through the intersection."

JMV: "It does to me."

RQ: "My point is that when you are following somebody, you do what they do."

HS: "Yeah, but you don't understand. He's a guy with a penis and thinking he's gonna get laid."

Rehab

HS: Did they put you in the hospital?

DK: There is no hospital for Jan. [laughter]

JMV: I had to wear a haylow.

RQ: That's right. He had that haylow cast on.

HS: Did you start to say to yourself, Geez, here I just went through the windshield of a car not too long ago and I broke my jaw and everything, and now here I am again. Maybe I shouldn't drive.

JMV: I have not been driving lately.

HS: Really! [laughter]

HS: You're a pretty wealthy man. You could afford a limo or something.

JMV: Not with all the lawyers I've been paying.

HS: Right. So there was a lot of legal action after something like that.

JMV: I went into a rehab right after that.

RQ: So were you a little bit tipsy when you did this?

JMV: Well....I don't recall. [laughter]

HS: At this point, you could probably be a lawyer.

JMV: I could teach 12 step programs!

RQ: What rehab did you go to?

HS: Did you go to Betty Ford?

JMV: They were going to take me in Betty Ford. But I went to Capo by the Sea.

HS: That sounds fun. [Were there] A lot of cool celebrities there?

JMV: No I think I was the only one.

HS: So they don't even let you have a cocktail there?

JMV: Oh no.

HS: Really, not even a little beer? So you went into rehab to get off all drinking, all drugs, everything?

JMV: Yeah everything.

HS: What were you on? Drinking mostly, right?

JMV: Mostly.

HS: And then some painkillers?

JMV: No, I have never taken pills much.

HS: You just liked alcohol.

JMV: Yeah.

RQ: Any other substances?

HS: You must have had some weed.

JMV: I've tried it all.

HS: You can still do weed once you go to rehab, right?

JMV: I burned out on weed a long time ago.

HS: Oh, geez, very sad.

JMV: It just doesn't thrill me.

HS: So anyway, what did you love to drink?

JMV: I drank beer and tequila.

HS: We should tempt you now. Bring Jan-Michael a beer quickly! Wanna try some tequila? We got the world's best tequila. [laughter]

JMV: No.

HS: Look at you. You really have stopped.

JMV: Yeah, I have.

RQ: Now how long was rehab?

HS: A week. Jan-Michael can kick that damn problem in a week.

JMV: I was there a couple of months.

HS: Really! What the hell is that all about? So what did you do, clean toilets?

JMV: No, just a lot of group meetings.

HS: Any broads in rehab or is it all guys?

JMV: Oh yeah.

HS: Can you get laid in rehab?

JMV: If that's a trip to you.

HS: And were you up to that?

JMV: No. [laughter] I've pulled everything back.

HS: Really. Even getting laid?

JMV: Well, I manage to do that still.

HS: So how'd you lose your voice?

JMV: They did an intubation. They put a garden hose down my throat.

HS: So how does that wreck your voice?

RQ: It goes right through your vocal chords.

HS: So if I ever get a tube down my thoat...

RQ: It doesn't necessarily have to happen but sometimes it does.

JMV: They took it out one time and put it back in. I think the second time they put it back in, they had an orderly do it or something.

RQ: No, no, no, no, no!

HS: Where was your friend David? Weren't you looking out for Jan-Michael?

DK: No, I gave up on Jan-Michael at that point! [laughter]

HS: So in the hospital could you screw any of the nurses with your neck broken?

JMV: No.

HS: You really did go cold turkey. So was there a lot of pain?

JMV: No, it wasn't a lot of pain.

HS: Boy you're amazing!

JMV: I had to learn to sleep on my back.

HS: Big deal!

JMV: And I had this gear all over my head.

HS: [laughter] You got any pictures of yourself like that?

JMV: No, I don't think so.

RQ: Well, gee, Jan-Michael, that would have been good for the book.

HS: We can recreate that. We'll just put you in a car and have you drive for awhile.

JMV: I sent the haylow to Mexico.

HS: You know the thing is you're probably a good driver, but you've had some bad luck.

JMV: When I pay attention I'm a good driver.

The Return to Glory

HS: What about movies now. Can you do any more movies and stuff?

JMV: Yeah. I did a character part in one that had Bruce Willis.

HS: Was it fun?

JMV: Yeah. I only worked a few days in Buffalo.

HS: Well, Jan-Michael Vincent, thank god you're alright. God bless you. You're one of the greatest all time guests. I don't care if they stick tubes down your throat. I don't care if you have no voice. You can come in here anytime. You're the best guest that there is.

JMV: What did you say once...I was the best mumbler?

HS: Yes, I've never heard anyone mumble with more grace and intelligence than you! [laughter] It's great to see you again.